i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
