Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
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I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
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Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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