We won't sleep together?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
