I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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