I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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