I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
