I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
