I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
