Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
