your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
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