It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
