Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
