How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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