Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
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