Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
