I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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