I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
