my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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