You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
