We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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