Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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