her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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