Hey man sorry I got all grabby
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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