I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
