I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
