dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
