If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
