no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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