So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
