eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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