But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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