How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
