Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
