Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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