she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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