you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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