Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
