Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
