Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
