mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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