he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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