Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
