I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
no you cant smoke seaweed
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
