Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
