Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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