Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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