I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
