Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
