he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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