i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
