see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
