Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize