Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
