So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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