I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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