I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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