God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
