I could make wine with my vomit
I'm passing your future prison.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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