Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
