The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
