Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
