My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
