Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
