Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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