i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
