hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
