shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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