I hate all girls vehemently.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
