Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
