How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
