Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
