You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
