Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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