Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
