just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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