Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
