omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
