i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
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My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
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I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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