i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
