there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
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Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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