From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
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