brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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