I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize
