Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
