Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
