I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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