the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
